I was 12 weeks pregnant when I got into my first car accident. A friend was giving me a ride to work. I remember being in the car having this feeling in my gut that something bad was about to happen and the next thing I knew, the side view of a garbage truck was within inches of the car and images just flashed before my eyes. Images of my son laughing. Images of my husband smiling. Images of the baby growing inside of me. It was the scariest moment of my life and when the crash was over all I could do was cry.

The seatbelt burn on my neck, the airbag burn on my arm, even the giant cut going down my leg, I couldn’t feel anything. All I could think was I need my husband, I need my son, I need to know if this baby is okay. People came running to check on us as my friend got out to see the damage. I was in total shock I couldn’t move. I started crying “I’m pregnant. I’m 12 weeks pregnant.” So that the first thing they knew was to check this baby. I didn’t care if my back was broken or if my neck was broken. I just wanted to know if my baby was alive.

I called my husband crying as the ambulance pulled up. They helped me onto a guerney and asked me if I was okay. All I kept saying was I need to check this baby. Once inside the ambulance they calmed me down and checked my vitals. The paramedic looked at me and said “You are so very lucky to be alive. We thought for sure that we were going to be pulling dead bodies.” And that’s when it hit me. I hated wearing my seatbelt. I’m 5’2 so when I buckle up, the seatbelt falls right on my neck. Its scratchy and irritating. But something told me to buckle up that day.

My husband who was at work at the time, drove by on the way to the hospital. I still can feel the tightness of his hug after I came out, all he could say was “I thought you were going to be worse or dead. ”

I thought for sure it clicked in his head that day. I thought he would be less stubborn about wearing his seatbelt and for a little bit it did.

I was 20 weeks pregnant when I got that call. I dont even know exactly what happened. I was told he wasn’t speeding. His car just kept veering off a little bit before the next thing the car behind him knew he was going across three lanes and the car started flipping over the median. He didnt even make it into the parking lot with his car. I was told he wasn’t speeding, but he also wasn’t wearing a seatbelt.

He landed on grass with a head injury so bad they wouldn’t let me see his body. According to his death certificate he died 30 minutes later. I don’t know what he was thinking in those last moments. I couldn’t hug him one last time or hold his hand. I couldn’t feel his hair in my hand or kiss his forehead goodbye. I had to say goodbye to a closed casket. I had to say my last I love you to a box.

For anyone that knew Felix, they all knew how stubborn and hard headed he could be. It actually was one of the things I loved the most about him because he always took charge and was determined to work hard and get things done. The one thing I loved the most about him, is what eventually killed him.

I still feel that same pain in my chest that I felt when I had to sit with his family and plan a funeral or when I had to clean out what I could of his truck. That empty feeling. Like your heart has been ripped out and you can’t breath.

He left behind three beautiful boys, the oldest being three. These boys will never get to know him. They’ll never know personally what it was like the minute he entered a room or how contagious his laugh was. They’ll never experience the love his heart was full with. All they’ll know is the memories we have to tell them about. All they’ll know is some pictures and videos I can show. I can tell them “daddy’s in your heart and hes always with you” but even I know that doesn’t take away the pain.

Everytime I get in a car the first thing I do is buckle up. If that scratchy annoying feeling is what I have to deal with, its 100% worth it because the scariest feeling is knowing I could leave my boys behind as well. My children lost enough, they don’t need to lose anymore.

So please buckle up. Don’t do it because its the law and you’ll get a ticket. Do it because you have so much more to live for. Do it because your dreams have not been fully accomplished. Do it because your kids need you. Do it because your mother needs you, your father needs you, your brothers and sisters need you. Do it because your best friends need you. Do it because your significant other needs you. Don’t make them have to say goodbye to a lifeless body, or worse, a closed casket. That click takes two seconds and you’d be saving everyone a lifetime of pain without you.